help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
