If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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