he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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