So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
