some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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