I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
