Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
