so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
