i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
