I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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