he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
