my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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