you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
