i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
