My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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