I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
