Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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