I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
