after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
