i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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