I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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