hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
