nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
