He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
