How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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