I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
bring money and cleavage
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
