Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Randomize
