They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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