.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
