So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
