I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
