so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
