Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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