have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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