ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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