this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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