Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
