It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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