Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
