you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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