i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
