Where did you get a picture of my penis
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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