My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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