I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
