he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
