Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
