The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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