There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Randomize
