If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
