Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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