I should be sponsored by Trojan
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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