You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
