he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
