pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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