I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
