He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
