I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
