I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Congratulations! We have a period
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
