Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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