So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
