The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
