Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
