omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
