At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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