i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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