Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
