You made me cry and you don't even care
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
