Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
