Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
