I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
